Lesleyxisxgonnaxbitexyou's Blog

I can't hear myself.
I don't know what I'm saying.
It's like a voice in another language
screaming through my skin.
I'm telling myself something.
But I can't hear me speaking.
Nothing in my thoughts
add up to any sense.
My mind is aware of it and the
sounds waves travel pleading attention.
They shrill my name.
But I bite my lip
and ignore my senses.
I close my eyes and
pretend I'm okay.

I try to not listen.
I try so hard.
I'll ignore you for hours.
But I'm so weak I give up.
Around me, surrounded.
I feel good.
I feel safe.
and when I close my eyes.
I hope you take me away.
Please take me away.

I can sit with my legs out the window
because I'm a big girl
so I wont fall.
but I remember when holding a hand
was all I needed to feel calm.
when hiding into someones arms
was all I needed to feel safe.
and with the wind in my hair
and the cold nibbling my toes
I'll miss being a little girl.
But then I remember your smile
and your laugh, and your touch,
and that kiss of the forehead
that made me feel happy
Like I was when I was young.

You remember that day
when I told you I wanted to go swinging
and you took me to that hidden park.

Remember how I told you that I have
never jumped off a swing cos I was afraid
of getting hurt If  I were to fall.

Remember you tried to convince me
but I was so scared
so you just pushed me instead.

Remember how I kept on going higher and higher
even if it made me dizzy
and my frappucinno was making me all bubbly.

Remember how you made the swing stop
when I couldn't take it anymore.

Remember how I couldn't stop smiling
because everything was making me laugh.

I remember it was perfect.

I'm scared.
Because I want you.
But I don't want to give you up.
I'm weak.
because you control me
and I don't know how to make it stop.
I'm loosing.
Because you kissed me
but now I'm falling in love.

Your face.
I know it like the palm of my hands.
The curve of your smile,
the true color of your eyes
and each freckle on your nose.
But it looks so different
yet it's the same.

Your voice.
It was low and raspy
so sweet, so sexy, so mesmerizing.
and now it's just weak.

I remember when you sparkled
and you laughed, and you smiled
and you cared.

I think I made you more amazing
then you really were.

Dimpled smile coated with sugar and finger paint.
glitter on your crown.
and glitter on your dress.
You're a star.
You're a queen.
You're a dreamer.
Never a mess.
The colorful bead around your neck
light the world with every step.
And you're butterfly wings,
from this world they'll take you away.
You're a painter
You're a dreamer
You're a poet
Yet you're just a little kid.

I wish I could hide into the darkness
Disappear into the space between your lips and your arms.
lost into a part of your mind.
Without having to wonder what we will be
or what we are.
Without having to go crazy over the feelings
that I feel just because your lips touched mines.
I wish I could exist only in your memory.
I wish I could fade away with the time.
like an ice cube in a cup of water
I wish I could melt away in your mind.

When you're kissing her,
and she's trembling.
Don't remember our first kiss.
The one where I was scared.
and you promised it would all be alright.
Don't remember how I made you hold both my hands
and how you had to tip down to reach my lips.
Don't remember how you made me smile.
Don't remember how I made you hug me tight all the way to class.
Don't remember how I made you promise you would stay.
Don't remember how it felt to have the power to change my mind.
and don't remember that it was my first time.

Let's get on a bus
and laugh because it'll be okay.
let's take it to the station
and love, let's go run away.
Forget all the people
the faces we knew.
Lets walk alone baby
just me and you.
I don't care how far
as long as we leave today
and I don't know where
but here I don't want to stay.
Let's get on the train
and not look back.
lets go to some lost city
and swing in its park.
Let's go be strangers in some other land.
Lost but in love, just take my hand.
Forget all the people,
the faces we knew.
Let's runaway baby
just me and you.